“All the substances of abuse, whether they are opiates or cocaine or anything else, they are actually painkillers.” Whether it’s a sex addiction, or Internet or relationship or shopping or work addiction, these are ALL attempts to get away from distress. Keith Richards, who had a severe heroin addiction, said that “all the contortions we go through are just not to be ourselves for a few hours.”
Whatever they tell you about genetics or choices or any of that nonsense, it’s always about pain. “Whatever you do, don’t try to escape your pain, but be with it.” Because the attempt to escape from pain is what creates more pain. And that’s the reality with addiction. Addicted people need a compassionate present which will permit them to experience their pain without having to run away from it. And all the attempts to run away, it’s like what another teacher said: “The surest way to show to hell is to try and run away from hell.”
We live in a society that, one way or another, is always about instant relief, quick satisfaction, distraction…. it’s always the quick getaway. It is a matter of, at some point, finding a way of being with your pain so that you can actually get to know what it’s really about.